I had no idea that I would see this day, but God knew. He did not speak in my spirit as we usually do together, He was silently at work, I, was truly just the clay and He was the potter.
On Mon. Feb. 25, 2019, My God blessed me to finish the sixth and final Aggressive Chemo Infusion. Not one soul involved thought or saw that I would make it through, but God’s plan for my life is visual to all now. At the end of the infusion, I got to ring the bell upon exiting the infusion room. I never knew about this, but the ceremony was just like a graduation, I got myself dressed, wore make-up, and a headdress, earrings, and red lipstick, because to me it was a special day. I didn’t know it was “special” to the staff. They all stood in a line, and hugged me, as I rang the bell, the nurses all clapped. It was a very special, overwhelming feeling of love and victory.
What would the chemo do to me on this last time? This infusion included the Carboplatin that had been removed during the last two, so the side effects would be different with it back in. It was removed because of the harshness, so without it, I was able to sustain the terrible effects better.
The effects are finally in a tolerable place today, so I am able to write this last post that documents my journey through Aggressive Chemo Infusion. On March 18, 2019, I will begin the second stage, which is “Maintenance Chemo”. It only includes the Herpaceptin and the Carboplatin along with some other medications, and will add some new take home meds for daily care, along with the meds already on my daily protocol. I am a pillaholic(my own word).
If it had not been for the support of my loving choir, immediate family, and a few friends, who found me worthy to rally around, and continually come to, or reach out to, where would I be? This is not a journey to travel without love and support, so Thank you all who cared, all who prayed, especially who actually prayed with me, I was so comforted by the personal and in person love and touch, and the time some took to call me to talk with me, encouraging me. I needed to be loved, not just say you did, but to actually allow me to know I mattered and that my presence on earth was important, God heard you.
I truly believe he spared me for a better work for His cause. I will never be the same person I was, as I feel all that I was before, has been burned and gutted and there is nothing left that was me. I am brand new, all that I will be going forward is God’s new Creation. If you see me and you bring out any thing that you recognize of the old me, it is because that is what you bring to the table of our connection. I don’t recognize myself as I am like a house that is being renovated; I am gutted and all the old parts, all the victimized, negative, unworthy, beaten down, mistreated, abused, molested, hurt parts have been destroyed. Praise God! All that I am and all I will ever be, I will serve the Lord. I will learn to be whatever God requires, and what does not honor God, I will not willingly do. What a blessing to be given a second chance, however it had to come to me, I accept that because He chose to keep me on this side of life, it was not to continue as before, with the baggage I carried before, and with the pain and misery I lived with all my life.
The symptoms I endured in Chemo Infusion #6 were a repeat of the last two with most of the harshness being from my tongue, throat, body aches, stomach pains, weakness in limbs, neuropathy in hands and feet, and this time, in addition to all the regular horrible symptoms, my toe nails are turning black like my fingernails beds, did with the first infusion. I am finally used to the symptoms, and anticipate what will occur when.
I don’t know what will happen with the Maintenance Infusions, but I will keep you posted.
Lastly, I want to thank everyone for your support especially with the financial support, you will never know how much it did help, and how much that kept me from allowing myself to let worry interfere with the fight. I know that if you had not helped me, my spirit would not have been where healing would have abounded.
This fight is hard enough without having to add negative attitudes. I did not allow myself to get in God’s way with thoughts, and judgements, and planning, and negativeness, as I would have normally done. This was the first time in my existence that I truly “Let Go, and Let God”, and it was so freeing and healing and positive. I realized how much of a stumbling block I have been in my own life and my spiritual growth. Thank you God, for the lessons, the healing, the transformation, for conforming me, and renewing that old beaten up creation.
I AM FREE, Praise the Lord, I’m Free, and I can’t wait till you see what God is planning to do with His new Creation. On this side, He has a plan and a purpose that I am so excited to share when He is ready. Continue to be a support to those who are suffering, your work is not in vein.