I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. Psa. 32:8
I spend time in prayer each night, and early in the morning before day breaks, and while in prayer I ask God to instruct me and show where He wants me to move on His path. I used to pray, and then I would move in the direction I believed He was leading me, and I felt powerful in the movement, and was sure that He was guiding me and instructing me along the way. I walked with God.
Since my diagnosis and subsequent cancer journey, I have realized and been awakened to the wisdom that when you pray, you must wait…wait…wait on the Lord, not when you pray, get up and move in the direction of what and where you feel He is leading, or to what you know you need to have happen. He will counsel you, and He will guide you with His eye to His perfect Will. I found that regardless of how I wanted things to move, how fast I wanted to get through to the other side of being infected with something I didn’t know I had, I could not make anything different. What could I do, I had to pray, turn it over to God, and wait on the Him, and be of good courage with patience.
I could not make things go in any direction. God spoke into my Spirit, “I’ve got this”! You don’t know the peace that came over me as I learned to wait. I stopped thinking about what to do, how to work through, with God’s help, how to get to the next step. Each day I learned more and more of the peace that passes all understanding, because I had no understanding of why this happened, what goes into moving through the beginning days of knowing I was in a battle, to how to get up each day, go through this day, get through this appointment, move past this test, this delay, this postponement, and yet the cancer was just along for the ride, sitting dormant, firmly attached and engrained, and at the same time, spreading. I could do nothing to change the condition, remove the obstacle, nor could I imagine the outcome. Survival was subjective on this side, so I learned to accept that. I began to understand, my God is a healer, but healing doesn’t mean living on earth, healing is an eternal gift. I was still at peace. I found that I had no depression, within, I was joyful, because God, told me “I’ve got this”. God took my hand each day, led me through with no pain. I look at every circumstance now, on a greater scale; comparing every situation in my life to “is this bigger than cancer”? You overcame cancer, so how is this thing a big deal, you can do this. I no longer sweat the day to day, the small stuff. I say to myself…God’s Got This. Let God instruct you, and guide your path, and do not move ahead because you think you know where He is leading you. I will wait on You, Lord, you are my refuge and the captain of this ship. I have watched God move so many things that would have crushed my spirit, brought fear and anxiety because I did not know how to solve, to pay, to repair, to move, to get to, and He just led the solution to me right where I was. Keep on leading and directing Lord, I am just a vessel, a clay pot that you are perfecting in your kiln. Though the fire is hot in this furnace, I know you are right here with me, molding me to do your will, your ministry, your service. Be Blessed Bloggers, I know that God has been instructing me on this path for a long time, but I could not see it.